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Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31318) - you deserved it (2923)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)
Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33926) - you deserved it (3978)
On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24681) - you deserved it (2448)
On 12/17/2012 at 12:08am - misc - by Cold (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30540) - you deserved it (4017)
On 12/15/2012 at 3:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16300) - you deserved it (1253)
On 12/11/2012 at 9:53pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25656) - you deserved it (5292)
On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13828) - you deserved it (3093)
On 11/28/2012 at 12:15am - misc - by FUSheldon (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17411) - you deserved it (1018)
On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24473) - you deserved it (1282)
On 11/12/2012 at 12:12am - misc - by BulldogHoops - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5119) - you deserved it (33438)
On 10/24/2012 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML
I agree, your life sucks (15346) - you deserved it (1902)
On 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by tempted to become single (man) - United States (California)
Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17442) - you deserved it (3147)
On 10/14/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by stop it ninja - United States (Virginia)
Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25709) - you deserved it (2426)
On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States
Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9388) - you deserved it (15594)
On 10/02/2012 at 10:42am - love - by Queso Dog (woman) - Japan
Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am beyond terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16727) - you deserved it (1171)
On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Monday 20 May 2013
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