Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CustardAndPie

Search for a member

CustardAndPie
  • Town/Country : Manchester, England
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 5 January 1992 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 883
  • Number of comments : 71
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About CustardAndPie : I like apple pie and custard, Doctor Who and Sherlock Holmes, and I only made an account on this site to comment on a particularly idiotic FML.
Now that I have the account I have no idea what to do with it. It will probably end up being about as useful to me as my Twitter account.

CustardAndPie's last visitors

HiimhaileypotterMr_BleepdabloopBTF989MornaiprincessEllRumbelleSynistielPsycho_BabydollRogueWarrior869007typeSneakyCaveman

CustardAndPie's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of CustardAndPie's badges

CustardAndPie's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

#19981666
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20769) - you deserved it (2279)

On 07/24/2012 at 2:33pm - kids - by Jessi (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

#19688308
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21865) - you deserved it (14198)

On 05/27/2012 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by oh lord - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got yelled at and called a pedo by a mother after I sat down in a swing next to her daughter. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm a 20 year old who really does enjoy swinging in my spare time. FML

#19687702
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20016) - you deserved it (3710)

On 05/27/2012 at 9:13am - misc - by CA19oo - United States (Georgia)

Today, I texted my friend and asked her what her sad status on Facebook was about. She texted me back saying her step-mother had passed away. I tried to reply with "awwh" but my phone autocorrected it to "ahaha." FML

#19687154
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28764) - you deserved it (6625)

On 05/27/2012 at 3:19am - misc - by iPhonekid - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

#19682982
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7860) - you deserved it (29330)

On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)

Today, I joined a local interest website, hoping to make some friends in my area. I don't think I've ever met so many guys before who introduce themselves with pictures of their cocks. FML

#19678592
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14180) - you deserved it (3597)

On 05/25/2012 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

#19677400
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18815) - you deserved it (2333)

On 05/25/2012 at 7:18am - work - by jingle - United States (Delaware)

Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There's nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML

#19666580
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15040) - you deserved it (8637)

On 05/23/2012 at 5:38am - intimacy - by Fire0fisis (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

#19656281
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17336) - you deserved it (3726)

On 05/21/2012 at 8:10am - health - by medosin (woman) - Austria

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

#19655658
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16016) - you deserved it (5053)

On 05/21/2012 at 1:56am - intimacy - by morethanredhands -

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24329) - you deserved it (2760)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

#19646260
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34775) - you deserved it (4742)

On 05/19/2012 at 11:08am - intimacy - by maggierose171 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

#19643337
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9873) - you deserved it (27312)

On 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by iris (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38422) - you deserved it (3081)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

#19629864
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18901) - you deserved it (6042)

On 05/15/2012 at 10:53pm - intimacy - by quick blow (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: