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CultureChic's favorite FMLs
Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML
by VMV / 02/01/2013 at 6:53pm / Spain (Catalonia) / Miscellaneous
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
by ayye_its_nikki / 12/19/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML
by fuckmyassimcold / 12/14/2012 at 2:19pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by boo8713 / 11/28/2012 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 1:50am / United States / Work
by jon / 08/31/2012 at 5:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by ThatGirl / 07/19/2012 at 11:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Epiphany / 07/19/2012 at 5:01am / United States / Health
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm / Nigeria (Lagos) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
by Concert Flatulent / 07/10/2012 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
by anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 2:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, my dad refused to pick me up because he didn't want to get off the couch, so I had to walk…