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CultureChic's favorite FMLs
by jadakorn / 07/11/2009 at 9:48am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML
by icanunderstand / 07/10/2009 at 8:50am / Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML
by Grossedouttt / 07/04/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML
by ilikeirishducks / 06/19/2009 at 9:51am / Italy / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML
by ouchers / 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
by mraow123 / 05/30/2009 at 1:04am / United States / Animals
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
by reb2632 / 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML
by blairheir721 / 05/17/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Ohio) / Work
by catlady1989 / 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML
by Anon / 04/21/2009 at 2:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML
by happyharriet / 04/15/2009 at 10:32pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML
by cxcrktkt / 04/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy
- Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends… Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut… Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the…