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Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3649) - you totally deserved it (12412)
On 02/23/2010 at 7:54am - health - by peterpan (man) - Germany (Hessen)
Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18128) - you totally deserved it (1425)
On 02/19/2010 at 3:24am - misc - by OMGraven (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21051) - you totally deserved it (1479)
On 02/17/2010 at 12:07am - health - by Sophie - United States (Texas)
Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom walked over to the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16968) - you totally deserved it (925)
On 02/16/2010 at 9:54pm - misc - by batter--up (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I realized that I tend to sleep walk, sleep dial, and sleep talk. How did I find out? The police showed up armed and ready at my door because I called 911 and told them about the dream I'd been having, in which my fiance murdered four people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15217) - you totally deserved it (1575)
On 02/15/2010 at 12:05pm - misc - by sleepdialer (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11295) - you totally deserved it (3032)
On 02/10/2010 at 4:19pm - misc - by snickerdoodles (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I couldn't use my normal subway exit stairway. There was a homeless man blocking the exit, furiously shitting and wiping his ass with newspaper. I can never un-see this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23377) - you totally deserved it (1220)
On 02/04/2010 at 1:01am - misc - by subwayrider (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16289) - you totally deserved it (1064)
On 02/03/2010 at 11:06am - misc - by kristine29 - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7922) - you totally deserved it (1799)
On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while meeting guys from my dad's work, they told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21603) - you totally deserved it (3902)
On 10/16/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by SheWentCrayola (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28727) - you totally deserved it (3193)
On 10/10/2009 at 8:52am - love - by -bird-poop- (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10403) - you totally deserved it (28281)
On 09/18/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Poowee (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3522) - you totally deserved it (33875)
On 09/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by FlipYoC (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32811) - you totally deserved it (6252)
On 08/25/2009 at 7:56pm - love - by RitaDahhlinnnng (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4032) - you totally deserved it (50453)
On 07/17/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
