About Contravene : I'm not really one for self-description. If you really want to know anything about me, just ask.
Contravene's FML badges
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Contravene's favorite FMLs
Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML
by gayboii / 03/19/2011 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 03/19/2011 at 6:32am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Juliet / 03/10/2011 at 7:36am / Miscellaneous
by Tom / 03/10/2011 at 6:09am / Animals
Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML
by drebel / 03/09/2011 at 5:27pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by sosad / 03/09/2011 at 5:08pm / Love
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
by thenotsomanlyman / 03/07/2011 at 11:17am / United States / Animals
by tinygirl / 03/07/2011 at 1:16am / Health
Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML
by pinchy / 03/06/2011 at 10:00pm / United States (California) / Love
by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML
by Anonymous / 03/06/2011 at 12:18am / United States / Miscellaneous
by nick / 03/05/2011 at 8:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 6:43am / France (Alsace) / Love
by insomnitude / 03/05/2011 at 1:55am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex… Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which…