Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Contravene

Search for a member

Contravene
  • Town/Country : Patuxent River, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 21 August 1986 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 976
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Contravene : I'm not really one for self-description. If you really want to know anything about me, just ask. I'm an open book; You just have to read it.

Contravene's last visitors

MisterCrossthaliahKalipczocarleybeaksweet0cheekstralala453iLynzcapslockisgoodJinxedPixiejaffvisDreamer4094arsenicalhumor

Contravene's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of Contravene's badges

Contravene's favorite FMLs

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

#15386188
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16406) - you deserved it (27562)

On 03/19/2011 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by gayboii (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

#15379416
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51193) - you deserved it (7591)

On 03/19/2011 at 6:32am - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

#15356314
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15935) - you deserved it (77905)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I auditioned for my school's production of Romeo and Juliet. When they announced that I got the part as Juliet, all the guys auditioning for Romeo suddenly disappeared. FML

#15260385
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38660) - you deserved it (5170)

On 03/10/2011 at 7:36am - misc - by Juliet -

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see who's dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

#15260051
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34316) - you deserved it (3057)

On 03/10/2011 at 6:09am - animals - by Tom -

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

#15252423
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37696) - you deserved it (3767)

On 03/09/2011 at 5:27pm - love - by drebel (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was told that I will never be able to have children. Thankfully for my husband, his girlfriend sure can. FML

#15252326
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45333) - you deserved it (3114)

On 03/09/2011 at 5:08pm - love - by sosad -

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

#15228646
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8828) - you deserved it (29137)

On 03/07/2011 at 11:17am - misc - by thenotsomanlyman - United States

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

#15225525
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42849) - you deserved it (8213)

On 03/07/2011 at 1:16am - health - by tinygirl -

Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML

#15222879
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32892) - you deserved it (3963)

On 03/06/2011 at 10:00pm - love - by pinchy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

#15219004
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31365) - you deserved it (5399)

On 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm - misc - by Spooked (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

#15213017
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27733) - you deserved it (3889)

On 03/06/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

#15209845
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32465) - you deserved it (3008)

On 03/05/2011 at 8:42pm - health - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

#15205288
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49295) - you deserved it (4172) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/05/2011 at 6:43am - love - by Anonymous - France (Alsace)

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

#15203950
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34890) - you deserved it (11886)

On 03/05/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by insomnitude (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: