About Commander223 : "If you ain't drunk you ain't dis'!"
-Pimp daddy
A.K.A the hooker that hit my friend with a cane.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5598) - you deserved it (26972)
On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17429) - you deserved it (1859)
On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27112) - you deserved it (1362)
On 08/30/2012 at 8:58am - misc - by Sarah - United States (New York)
Today, after finishing a song during karaoke, a man came up to me and held out his hand. Quite flattered, I shook it, said thanks and that I was glad he enjoyed it. Turns out he was next and just wanted the microphone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11488) - you deserved it (6042)
On 08/30/2012 at 4:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26822) - you deserved it (3484)
On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20324) - you deserved it (1371)
On 04/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)
Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19799) - you deserved it (2861)
On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7820) - you deserved it (53886)
On 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States
Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22186) - you deserved it (1407)
On 01/19/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by toothpaste (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26477) - you deserved it (2973)
On 01/11/2012 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was surprised that my husband suggested we take a shower together to save water. He also suggested we should wear our bathing suits so we don't have to see each others "privates." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44609) - you deserved it (3856)
On 01/08/2012 at 7:24am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14159) - you deserved it (1379)
On 12/24/2011 at 3:04pm - misc - by ambled - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31537) - you deserved it (4511)
On 12/04/2011 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19198) - you deserved it (2159)
On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28116) - you deserved it (5897)
Monday 17 June 2013
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