About ClassyCommando : Name's Joe. I like flowers, sunshine, and long walks through Mordor.
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Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29409) - you deserved it (4234)
On 12/23/2012 at 4:36pm - kids - by still had to pay (man) - Australia
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5385) - you deserved it (26375)
On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16610) - you deserved it (1617)
On 11/19/2012 at 1:21am - health - by NOIDIDNOT (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19642) - you deserved it (959)
On 11/18/2012 at 4:22pm - kids - by WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM (man) - United States (New York)
Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12636) - you deserved it (1696)
On 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)
Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16592) - you deserved it (1754)
On 10/01/2012 at 7:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21394) - you deserved it (3306)
On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18426) - you deserved it (2695)
On 09/28/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20284) - you deserved it (4696)
On 04/10/2012 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7283) - you deserved it (35132)
On 04/05/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by tatatest (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33410) - you deserved it (2916) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/19/2012 at 4:59pm - misc - by elite -
Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27081) - you deserved it (4425)
On 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9453) - you deserved it (22880)
On 01/02/2012 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, it finally became clear to me that before you start dating a co-worker, it's best to figure out who they've already dated from work, just in case one of her exes is your new manager. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16983) - you deserved it (5086)
On 01/01/2012 at 10:38pm - work - by Scorned Employee (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23791) - you deserved it (6024)
On 01/01/2012 at 8:22pm - health - by GingerJ (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Monday 20 May 2013
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