Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CitizenSnipz

Search for a member

CitizenSnipz

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3108
  • Number of comments : 317
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

CitizenSnipz's page activity

Visits<b>yuggi1</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 12:07pm<b>ell1etheunic0rn</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 7:43pm<b>Tyde</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 4:18pm<b>stephaniewlntwsk</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 10:55pm<b>WizardlyUnicorn</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 1:46pm<b>Tuffmuffin</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:28pm<b>minioncandy</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 3:15pm<b>bmmondi95</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 12:14pm<b>Botmun12</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 11:33am<b>threer</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 1:48pm<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 7:17am<b>Sammy61400</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 1:13pm<b>hopsinlove17</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 11:19pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 10:18am<b>sweetkitten69</b> - the 04/24/2014 at 5:27pm<b>joefrazier</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 8:10pm<b>LynxieLynx</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 3:16pm<b>MidnightMadness</b> - the 02/20/2014 at 8:23pm

CitizenSnipz's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

CitizenSnipz's favorite FMLs

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14889) - you deserved it (100157)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me and ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done for several weeks now. Immediately after, my manager calls my lane to tell me to watch out for that guy. He has been stalking a co-worker of mine. Apparently, I'm next. FML

#2393503
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42456) - you deserved it (3660)

On 05/28/2009 at 11:51pm - work - by be_nj (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58436) - you deserved it (7468)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

#2282414
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19712) - you deserved it (40599)

On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by wordmalfunction (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

#1551610
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92806) - you deserved it (9080)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML

#1427967
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15824) - you deserved it (56810)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22474) - you deserved it (59124)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

#896114
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (223591) - you deserved it (27746)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23669) - you deserved it (105701)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

#745352
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51366) - you deserved it (66696)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm - work - by tsardaukar (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

#745352
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51366) - you deserved it (66696)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm - work - by tsardaukar (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

#532942
337 comments

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
879 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60473) - you deserved it (634408)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking my husky when she saw a cat and bolted toward it. I couldn't let go of the leash because my hand was tangled up. Forced to run along, I ran into a parked van at full sprint. I lost my dog, broke two ribs and have to pay for the dent in the van. FML

#487128
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88624) - you deserved it (9023)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:08am - animals - by frame (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: