CitizenSnipz

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CitizenSnipz

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4951
  • Number of comments : 317
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

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CitizenSnipz's page activity

Visits<b>travisinthetrunk</b> - the 09/06/2016 at 5:54am<b>ebroks</b> - the 07/01/2016 at 5:37am<b>jemmamacdonald11</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 8:54am<b>TheBlackMagister</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 3:02pm<b>BananEnigma</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 4:42pm<b>winded</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 5:19pm<b>rivimatt</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 9:59am<b>FuentezFam</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 5:15am<b>red812</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 8:40pm<b>OspreyEagle</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 5:22pm<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 10:48pm<b>fourth_line_dust</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 9:41am<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 12:00am<b>TheChickenLord</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 12:04pm<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 3:45pm<b>jshakd642</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 3:51pm<b>Chrissyella</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 12:36am<b>ShatteredPulse</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 3:12pm

CitizenSnipz's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

CitizenSnipz's favorite FMLs

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

by kat9232000 / 06/19/2009 at 12:04am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me and ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done for several weeks now. Immediately after, my manager calls my lane to tell me to watch out for that guy. He has been stalking a co-worker of mine. Apparently, I'm next. FML

by be_nj / 05/28/2009 at 11:51pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

by wordmalfunction / 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

by Rech / 05/12/2009 at 7:09am / United States (Minnesota) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2009 at 4:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2009 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

by lanbon182 / 04/10/2009 at 1:11am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

by imsorrytimmy / 04/02/2009 at 11:34am / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Intimacy

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

by tsardaukar / 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

by tsardaukar / 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

by Mason_Jayson / 03/22/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I was walking my husky when she saw a cat and bolted toward it. I couldn't let go of the leash because my hand was tangled up. Forced to run along, I ran into a parked van at full sprint. I lost my dog, broke two ribs and have to pay for the dent in the van. FML

by frame / 03/20/2009 at 11:08am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Animals