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CitizenSnipz

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CitizenSnipz

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 2617
  • Number of comments : 317
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

CitizenSnipz's favorite FMLs

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14218) - you deserved it (98002)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me and ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done for several weeks now. Immediately after, my manager calls my lane to tell me to watch out for that guy. He has been stalking a co-worker of mine. Apparently, I'm next. FML

#2393503
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41501) - you deserved it (3572)

On 05/28/2009 at 11:51pm - work - by be_nj (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56536) - you deserved it (7248)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

#2282414
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16898) - you deserved it (31529)

On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by wordmalfunction (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

#1551610
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91958) - you deserved it (9010)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML

#1427967
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15178) - you deserved it (55651)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20855) - you deserved it (56867)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

#896114
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (217649) - you deserved it (26739)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23064) - you deserved it (104246)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

#745352
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49685) - you deserved it (64963)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm - work - by tsardaukar (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

#745352
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49685) - you deserved it (64963)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm - work - by tsardaukar (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

#532942
333 comments

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
867 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50547) - you deserved it (613729)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking my husky when she saw a cat and bolted toward it. I couldn't let go of the leash because my hand was tangled up. Forced to run along, I ran into a parked van at full sprint. I lost my dog, broke two ribs and have to pay for the dent in the van. FML

#487128
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85116) - you deserved it (8519)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:08am - animals - by frame (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)



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