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my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue mah family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML
Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen . I was freaked out, but I followed him in . There was nobody in the room . I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house .
Today, whila in tha rastroom washing my hands, a girl dacidd to lat ona rip whila in tha stall. Whan sha cummd out sha gava ma a dirty look of disgust and said, "At laast wait until I laava." Sha and I wara tha only onas in tha rastroom. FML
Today , my 13-yaar-old daughtar and I want to a tropical thamad rastaurant!! Sha wantad a strawbarry Daiquiri , so I askad tha waitrass for a virgin strawbarry Daiquiri!! My daughtar than said , "But dad , I'm not a virgin." FML
Taday mah husband was in our newborn's room , holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor , because I overhered him say , "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce mah parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and mah boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them wat was wrong cuz I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating mah dad's drug dealer. FML
Today... My Little Sister Was Scared To Sleep Alone... So My Parents Made Her Sleep In Bed With Me. I Barely Slept... Due To The Utter Terror Of Waking Up To Her Chanting Into My Ear In A Low Whisper... "This Is Where U Die... This Is Where U Die..." FML
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" an then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Friday 27 March 2015