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Cenobyte

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Cenobyte
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  • Number of visits : 2646
  • Number of comments : 164
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cenobyte's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
525 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16528) - you deserved it (39261)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

#17080358
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32433) - you deserved it (16294)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:09pm - misc - by couldntholdit (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

#17000180
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32094) - you deserved it (9755)

On 07/06/2011 at 12:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

#16982648
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8854) - you deserved it (43001)

On 07/05/2011 at 3:06am - love - by eatmywords (man) - Singapore

Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML

#16956758
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29235) - you deserved it (2726)

On 07/03/2011 at 1:25am - animals - by jreed509 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

#16947329
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33705) - you deserved it (5536)

On 07/02/2011 at 10:06am - love - by fthislyfe (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

#16921062
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26993) - you deserved it (2853)

On 06/30/2011 at 10:36am - misc - by sealpop09 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

#16918734
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44015) - you deserved it (3610)

On 06/30/2011 at 3:24am - misc - by asianlover (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

#16913093
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23248) - you deserved it (4555)

On 06/29/2011 at 8:04pm - health - by Jenna - United States (Georgia)

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML

#16879912
549 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58986) - you deserved it (6155)

On 06/27/2011 at 10:56am - intimacy - by footfood (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML

#16860650
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32660) - you deserved it (11852)

On 06/26/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to address a flatulence issue with an employee. Other employees are complaining about the smell. I have to continue addressing the issue until it stops. So far, I've talked to her about it 4 times. No end in sight. FML

#16812310
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20754) - you deserved it (1975)

On 06/23/2011 at 4:17am - work - by luroluro - United States

Today, I got all dressed up to go on a date with a guy. Upon getting to my house to pick me up, he told me he'd forgot to put on mascara, and asked if he could borrow some. FML

#16809094
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31035) - you deserved it (4887)

On 06/23/2011 at 12:24am - love - by wowohwow - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

#16767931
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34296) - you deserved it (2635)

On 06/20/2011 at 6:42pm - misc - by shyshy96679 - United States

Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML

#16761354
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23176) - you deserved it (6697)

On 06/20/2011 at 10:59am - misc - by m2k (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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