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Cenobyte

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Cenobyte
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3799
  • Number of comments : 167
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

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Cenobyte's favorite FMLs

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35435) - you deserved it (5398)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

#17271800
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28663) - you deserved it (10975)

On 07/26/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by anon - Israel

Today, I realized that the guy I've been sending anonymous, dirty emails to knows who I am. My signature, which includes my full name, was automatically added to the end of every email. FML

#17221822
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7937) - you deserved it (70519)

On 07/22/2011 at 9:10pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

#17190246
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34938) - you deserved it (10177)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm - love - by John (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

#17187875
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35761) - you deserved it (5026)

On 07/20/2011 at 5:17am - intimacy - by growlr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML

#17184971
380 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33937) - you deserved it (5071)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:40am - intimacy - by knolan - United States

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

#17150480
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14376) - you deserved it (24806)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by CaoiiBieber - Ireland

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

#17145702
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31796) - you deserved it (7250)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

#17140359
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28202) - you deserved it (2116)

On 07/16/2011 at 8:19pm - health - by imobesejk (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML

#17102276
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19699) - you deserved it (1683)

On 07/14/2011 at 12:50am - misc - by BelleCharmante (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
503 comments

I agree, your life sucks (117123) - you deserved it (5933)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
527 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17687) - you deserved it (48495)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

#17080358
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36869) - you deserved it (21187)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:09pm - misc - by couldntholdit (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

#17000180
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34561) - you deserved it (11891)

On 07/06/2011 at 12:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

#16982648
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10286) - you deserved it (55030)

On 07/05/2011 at 3:06am - love - by eatmywords (man) - Singapore



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