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Cenobyte's FML badges
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
Cenobyte's favorite FMLs
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
by bakedplum / 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anony-moose / 10/11/2011 at 5:43am / United States / Work
by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 4:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by G / 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML
by cheated / 09/17/2011 at 12:43am / United States (California) / Love
by Just me / 09/09/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML
by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML
by me / 08/08/2011 at 11:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Tim / 08/03/2011 at 3:40am / United States / Love
by loser4life / 07/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML
by Champion the wonder horse / 07/28/2011 at 4:15am / United States / Work
Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML
by Nickname / 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by anon / 07/26/2011 at 8:01pm / Israel / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 9:10pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
by John / 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Love