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Cenobyte

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Cenobyte

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 7236
  • Number of comments : 170
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cenobyte's page activity

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Cenobyte's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of Cenobyte's badges

Cenobyte's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

#18384979
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10783) - you deserved it (64008)

On 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm - misc - by seanjohn268 (man) - Canada

Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML

#18343392
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35587) - you deserved it (4370)

On 11/25/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by Jessie - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38620) - you deserved it (6556)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16661) - you deserved it (56626)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, on the subway, a woman got off without her suitcase. I grabbed the case, chased her onto the platform, and shouted, "You forgot your suitcase!" while the doors closed behind me. In actual fact, it wasn't her suitcase, and its actual owner was still on the train. FML

#18162360
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33198) - you deserved it (11118) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/05/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by Lavalise - France

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

#18153680
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18984) - you deserved it (52913)

On 11/04/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by me (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

#18129165
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26188) - you deserved it (22921)

On 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm - misc - by bakedplum (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

#17958269
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24476) - you deserved it (2419)

On 10/11/2011 at 5:43am - work - by Anony-moose (woman) - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

#17936409
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23731) - you deserved it (16901)

On 10/08/2011 at 4:40pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

#17935197
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15872) - you deserved it (43057)

On 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm - misc - by G - United States (California)

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

#17761780
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39441) - you deserved it (2634)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:43am - love - by cheated (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

#17706301
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24977) - you deserved it (4215)

On 09/09/2011 at 7:48pm - love - by Just me (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

#17536285
470 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62539) - you deserved it (7643)

On 08/21/2011 at 5:59am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

#17413127
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32565) - you deserved it (7105)

On 08/08/2011 at 11:43pm - misc - by me - United States

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

#17352313
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44929) - you deserved it (5894)

On 08/03/2011 at 3:40am - love - by Tim - United States



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