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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Cenobyte's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML
by djkimmaz / 12/03/2011 at 6:23am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
by seanjohn268 / 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML
by Jessie / 11/25/2011 at 1:13am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
by shootme / 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, on the subway, a woman got off without her suitcase. I grabbed the case, chased her onto the platform, and shouted, "You forgot your suitcase!" while the doors closed behind me. In actual fact, it wasn't her suitcase, and its actual owner was still on the train. FML
by Lavalise / 11/05/2011 at 3:11am / France / Transportation
by me / 11/04/2011 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
by bakedplum / 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anony-moose / 10/11/2011 at 5:43am / United States / Work
by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 4:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by G / 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML
by cheated / 09/17/2011 at 12:43am / United States (California) / Love
by Just me / 09/09/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML
by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML
by me / 08/08/2011 at 11:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me…