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Cenobyte's FML badges
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
Cenobyte's favorite FMLs
by gemma / 09/11/2012 at 12:56pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Intimacy
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
by mcase / 07/31/2012 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML
by Jarman / 07/26/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Unlucky / 07/25/2012 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by bad date / 06/13/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Nebraska) / Money
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
by viviham / 05/04/2012 at 8:08am / United States (Texas) / Work
by sockmonkey / 04/30/2012 at 10:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by NoPrivacy / 04/26/2012 at 6:44am / United States / Work
by Coquette / 04/22/2012 at 2:14pm / United States / Love
Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
by joolsie / 04/13/2012 at 9:11am / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy
Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "new pirate" in the office. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 9:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…