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Cenobyte's FML badges
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Cenobyte's favorite FMLs
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by bad date / 06/13/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Nebraska) / Money
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
by viviham / 05/04/2012 at 8:08am / United States (Texas) / Work
by sockmonkey / 04/30/2012 at 10:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by NoPrivacy / 04/26/2012 at 6:44am / United States / Work
by Coquette / 04/22/2012 at 2:14pm / United States / Love
Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
by joolsie / 04/13/2012 at 9:11am / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy
Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "new pirate" in the office. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 9:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/19/2012 at 12:28pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 8:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy
Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML
by titillating / 03/12/2012 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Transportation
by salt. / 02/28/2012 at 5:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I… Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found… Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a…