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Cenobyte

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Cenobyte

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 7254
  • Number of comments : 170
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cenobyte's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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Cenobyte's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

#20110803
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38208) - you deserved it (5957)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32930) - you deserved it (5260)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31136) - you deserved it (3845)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36771) - you deserved it (7220)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML

#20067540
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14952) - you deserved it (57285)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by gemma - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

#20037909
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39815) - you deserved it (11520) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

#19993820
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29395) - you deserved it (4716)

On 07/31/2012 at 1:36am - kids - by mcase - United States (California)

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

#19984638
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32110) - you deserved it (5630)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Jarman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

#19983177
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31086) - you deserved it (3404)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:03am - love - by Unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
411 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42530) - you deserved it (4517)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

#19779965
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28667) - you deserved it (3548)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:42am - money - by bad date - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52377) - you deserved it (4879)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34797) - you deserved it (2211)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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