Cenobyte

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Offline (the 12/02/2016 at 12:09pm)

Cenobyte

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8593
  • Number of comments : 186
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cenobyte's page activity

Visits<b>InfiniteSunshine</b> - the 11/05/2016 at 10:54am<b>Mons</b> - the 09/13/2016 at 2:34pm<b>Infamous278</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 10:17pm<b>Nick_Pat91</b> - the 09/06/2016 at 8:33am<b>iamscott</b> - the 09/06/2016 at 2:37am<b>kintoki25</b> - the 09/05/2016 at 4:51pm<b>French_giirl</b> - the 09/05/2016 at 1:07pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/05/2016 at 10:40am<b>barfingcat21</b> - the 08/19/2016 at 4:40pm<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 1:18am<b>TheDarkLight</b> - the 07/22/2016 at 7:04am<b>2simz</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 3:27am<b>Chibster</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 9:07pm<b>ENCOURAGER</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 9:06pm<b>BloodCactus</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 12:55pm<b>Kevin55</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 10:14am<b>fastman19</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 9:30pm<b>doubledutchy</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 2:30am

Fucked!<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 06/24/2016 at 2:04am<b>fastman19</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 1:54pm

Cenobyte's FML badges

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of Cenobyte's badges

Cenobyte's favorite FMLs

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

by andy / 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

by thanksbabe / 01/12/2013 at 1:32am / United States / Love

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

by Chuffy / 12/01/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

by iLuvsIt / 11/06/2012 at 4:32am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML

by nickw177 / 10/21/2012 at 9:21pm / United States / Love

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Intimacy

Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

by brianfantana32 / 09/12/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.