Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Cenobyte

Offline (yesterday at 6:14am) | Search for a member

Cenobyte

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7256
  • Number of comments : 170
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Cenobyte's page activity

Visits<b>LoneWolf2879</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 9:48pm<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 4:51am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 3:18am<b>bnbhimp</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 3:35pm<b>Jake42100</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 5:52am<b>nonononononono</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 4:41pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 5:30pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 1:53pm<b>hantu69</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 6:37pm<b>Karlee_Moore10</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 3:27pm<b>justinccp</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 12:14am<b>Warnorse</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 12:13pm<b>jonloran</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 9:04am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 7:59am<b>dannnngthatsux</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 9:43pm<b>TEZZ</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 5:32pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 7:26pm<b>richardcard82</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 5:37am

Cenobyte's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of Cenobyte's badges

Cenobyte's favorite FMLs

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50182) - you deserved it (5813)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34451) - you deserved it (6313)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55131) - you deserved it (6607)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

#20552676
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32652) - you deserved it (25654)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:53pm - animals - by SolaceInRage (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45846) - you deserved it (16939)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47730) - you deserved it (4580)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41058) - you deserved it (2699)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36797) - you deserved it (8775)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33342) - you deserved it (8313)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32706) - you deserved it (3944)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32706) - you deserved it (3944)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32706) - you deserved it (3944)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

#20186141
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7474) - you deserved it (40899)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Chuffy - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

#20150093
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24097) - you deserved it (3082)

On 11/06/2012 at 4:32am - work - by iLuvsIt (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML

#20127336
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13112) - you deserved it (19602)

On 10/21/2012 at 9:21pm - misc - by nickw177 (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: