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Cenobyte

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Cenobyte

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 4238
  • Number of comments : 167
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cenobyte's page activity

Visits<b>sherbear78</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:04pm<b>db32</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 11:04am<b>papashaan</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 7:50am<b>LiiaaBee</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 12:21pm<b>adragonhunter</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 8:55pm<b>micahthebeast10</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 7:43pm<b>xoxocochrach96</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 9:55am<b>ThatSlappinBass</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 7:52am<b>its_nick_bros</b> - the 02/05/2014 at 2:47pm<b>richardcard82</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 10:09pm<b>terryaly</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 6:02pm<b>angelicdevil</b> - the 01/31/2014 at 3:28am<b>s1s1</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 1:10pm<b>whatsupitsbrian</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 12:47am<b>MxAxRxCxO</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 2:44am<b>bazookajoey</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 8:19pm<b>crapmaster3000</b> - the 11/20/2013 at 7:27am<b>dre82</b> - the 11/18/2013 at 7:20am

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Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

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Cenobyte's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

#20969751
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54844) - you deserved it (5804)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by LadyLola (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML

#20808571
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40231) - you deserved it (4563)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:18pm - misc - by LeaveTheGuyAlone (man) - United States (New York)

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

#20807393
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40008) - you deserved it (27076)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

#20768398
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65597) - you deserved it (21311)

On 07/07/2013 at 8:35am - love - by SimG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a job interview. All was going well until the interviewer asked me, "So, why should we hire you?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Because, I'm awesome!" Don't think I'll be getting that one. FML

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24168) - you deserved it (62646)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47794) - you deserved it (9956)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

#20756438
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47280) - you deserved it (9220)

On 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm - kids - by sorry, kiddo (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

#20720590
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34700) - you deserved it (71444)

On 06/11/2013 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by instinct (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

#20719191
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83436) - you deserved it (6885)

On 06/11/2013 at 8:00am - intimacy - by notyourmom (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at work talking to an older man. As our conversation ended, he said, "Thank you, ma'am." Then, he quickly stumbled over his words as he said, "I mean, thank you, sir. I meant sir. I think." He gazed at me for a moment in confusion, then darted away. FML

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47631) - you deserved it (12055)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46625) - you deserved it (5472)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30818) - you deserved it (5836)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50453) - you deserved it (6146)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)



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  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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