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Mobility
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Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11338) - you deserved it (47423)
On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)
Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18809) - you deserved it (2001)
On 09/07/2012 at 12:23pm - work - by PuddlePirate (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20953) - you deserved it (954)
On 09/04/2012 at 4:53am - misc - by hooligyn123 - United States
Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6609) - you deserved it (43812)
On 09/04/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Cherrish it - United States (California)
Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18073) - you deserved it (2085) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18018) - you deserved it (1781)
On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6857) - you deserved it (107115)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22107) - you deserved it (11909)
On 08/10/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe
Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4234) - you deserved it (22595)
On 08/09/2012 at 5:42pm - work - by sincerely depressed. - United States (California)
Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25428) - you deserved it (2134)
On 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18997) - you deserved it (1371)
On 08/06/2012 at 1:41am - misc - by mississippi123 - United States (California)
Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27727) - you deserved it (1981)
On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29534) - you deserved it (2910) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 08/02/2012 at 9:00am - love - by opinaise - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4085) - you deserved it (33658)
On 07/26/2012 at 10:48am - health - by maddiebauer - United States (Illinois)
Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17516) - you deserved it (6368)
On 07/22/2012 at 12:24am - animals - by whymegirl - United States (Massachusetts)
Friday 24 May 2013
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