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Carrikins's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
by linn / 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm / United States / Intimacy
by mcase / 07/31/2012 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML
by fmlgrl / 07/30/2012 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
by skyplaysguitar / 07/30/2012 at 1:56am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
by Rachel / 07/20/2012 at 1:13am / United States / Money
by JJBones / 06/29/2012 at 6:03am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
by bob / 06/29/2012 at 4:47am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Bernadette / 06/28/2012 at 3:58pm / Miscellaneous
by daniella101 / 06/28/2012 at 2:11pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love
Today, I had an hour long meeting with my manager where she informed me the reason I had not been promoted is because she felt that people would not like to work for me, because I would, "make them do their job." FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2012 at 3:00am / United States / Work
Today, I finally turned 21 so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I decided to order a drink. She replied with, "No problem, kiddo." FML
by DerrickUhl / 06/19/2012 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
by ducklover1 / 06/18/2012 at 11:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by raraisbang / 06/18/2012 at 9:07pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
- Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to…