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Carrikins's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at my family reunion. I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and make love." My husband turned around. It was my uncle wearing the same hat as my husband. FML
by dev / 08/28/2011 at 2:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by KayDayParade / 08/27/2011 at 8:38pm / United States / Money
by RainCl0ud / 08/27/2011 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 9:00am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2011 at 11:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML
by Rejected / 07/16/2011 at 9:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by ilik3catz / 12/31/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
by fired / 11/23/2010 at 8:41am / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet an online date. I couldn't spot him, so he eventually came up and introduced himself. It seems his on-line picture must have been taken before I was born. I spluttered "This isn't going to work," and promptly scuttled out. FML
by sayno / 11/12/2010 at 6:06am / Switzerland / Love
by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by kmang33 / 04/02/2010 at 7:24am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML
by Biological / 02/11/2010 at 7:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents got me a new computer for my birthday. They also took the liberty of throwing out my old computer, with 8 years of photos, videos, music, documents, emails, and bookmarks on it. But that's okay, I had a backup. They threw that out too. FML
by computergeek / 01/26/2010 at 4:25pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
- Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.…