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CaptenAwesomeXD

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CaptenAwesomeXD
  • Town/Country : Malmö, Sweden
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 26 September 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 2355
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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CaptenAwesomeXD's favorite FMLs

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

#8911500
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23986) - you deserved it (3468)

On 03/08/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by raidered - United States (California)

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

#8905229
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6551) - you deserved it (23658)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half a block of cheese carving cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

#8819717
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14086) - you deserved it (4040)

On 03/04/2010 at 7:43am - work - by Garry (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

#8805170
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6586) - you deserved it (22763)

On 03/03/2010 at 7:07pm - misc - by DUMMIE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML

#8576368
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24780) - you deserved it (4986)

On 02/23/2010 at 12:17am - work - by meaganlea (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

#8539206
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22141) - you deserved it (1741)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by sandiego - United States (Texas)

Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML

#8509840
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17366) - you deserved it (5984)

On 02/21/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by foutu - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

#8488357
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26465) - you deserved it (3366)

On 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Scaryman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

#8480132
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5502) - you deserved it (38109)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by analinguist (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

#8423454
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16011) - you deserved it (3459)

On 02/18/2010 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

#8420953
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6713) - you deserved it (19207)

On 02/18/2010 at 9:20pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

#8368269
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23987) - you deserved it (2300)

On 02/17/2010 at 5:49am - love - by LoveDrug (woman) - Ireland

Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom walked over to the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML

#8354648
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24108) - you deserved it (1616)

On 02/16/2010 at 9:54pm - misc - by batter--up (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

#8250331
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7115) - you deserved it (29939)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:56pm - love - by CrappyValentine (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

#7897193
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25428) - you deserved it (2823)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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