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CaptainSaveAHoe

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CaptainSaveAHoe
  • Town/Country : 'Murica
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 21 July 1994 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 717
  • Number of comments : 92
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About CaptainSaveAHoe : Eighteen, not a swagfaggot, a sort of grammar nazi, insomniac, which would account for my somewhat nonsensical comments sometimes. I love Avenged Sevenfold, Reddit, and anything with Goku in it. Message me. FOR THE HORDE Love,Josh

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CaptainSaveAHoe's favorite FMLs

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

#20489402
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47562) - you deserved it (2808)

On 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by thoughtidseenitall (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

#20399775
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26379) - you deserved it (7162)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

#20197611
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7363) - you deserved it (50217)

On 12/09/2012 at 11:57am - intimacy - by SamWGovan (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

#20193303
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17446) - you deserved it (3160)

On 12/06/2012 at 12:35am - work - by SpanishInFrenchClass (woman) - United States

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14670) - you deserved it (970)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5386) - you deserved it (26381)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

#20095626
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21408) - you deserved it (3307)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML

#20066689
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15804) - you deserved it (1709)

On 09/10/2012 at 8:42pm - misc - by CaptainSaveAHoe (man) - United States (California)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

#20028986
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38217) - you deserved it (2639)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29515) - you deserved it (2879)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden



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