About CaptainNap124 : Lol I love funny stuff and xbox :P women are horrible... Men should stick to the "bro's before ho's" mindset
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36381) - you deserved it (9568)
On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18056) - you deserved it (2045)
On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23624) - you deserved it (2154)
On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20420) - you deserved it (1705)
On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)
Today, my husband of five years left me for a woman ten years older than himself who lives nine hours away. He met her online two weeks ago while playing Call of Duty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23053) - you deserved it (1530)
On 09/27/2012 at 10:14pm - love - by strawberrywine22 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15630) - you deserved it (1219)
On 09/22/2012 at 3:29am - misc - by ak_6694 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19933) - you deserved it (4783)
On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12479) - you deserved it (1004)
On 08/29/2012 at 3:19pm - work - by Pooping - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21995) - you deserved it (4117)
On 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25267) - you deserved it (1984)
On 08/26/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38130) - you deserved it (2636)
On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48953) - you deserved it (2183)
On 08/18/2012 at 1:09am - misc - by Just_Me_88 - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17767) - you deserved it (4581)
On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)
Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11227) - you deserved it (22285)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15274) - you deserved it (4810)
On 08/14/2012 at 8:17am - intimacy - by cl4ptp (woman) - United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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