Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CaptainNap124

Search for a member

CaptainNap124

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 23 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2914
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About CaptainNap124 : Lol I love funny stuff and xbox :P women are horrible... Men should stick to the "bro's before ho's" mindset

CaptainNap124's page activity

Visits<b>NikL20</b> - yesterday at 10:52pm<b>Corvo_Attano</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 6:51am<b>shorty6823</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 12:32pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 03/04/2013 at 11:35pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 02/09/2013 at 4:22am<b>lyzziesaysrawrrr</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 3:02am<b>Grauncho</b> - the 01/03/2013 at 10:20pm

CaptainNap124's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of CaptainNap124's badges

CaptainNap124's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

#12277666
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52945) - you deserved it (3991)

On 08/03/2010 at 12:07am - intimacy - by Cheated (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at work, when a co-worker began to shake a near empty box. Without thinking, I shouted "What if there was a baby in there? You just killed it!" I then remembered she recently suffered a miscarriage. FML

#12008337
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12293) - you deserved it (69326)

On 07/20/2010 at 7:08pm - work - by jjjjjjmmmmm92 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

#11354335
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10736) - you deserved it (49132)

On 06/21/2010 at 10:21am - love - by pizzafreak18 - United States (New York)

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

#9181669
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14015) - you deserved it (33143)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

#8434692
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30128) - you deserved it (2088)

On 02/19/2010 at 2:38am - animals - by somuchforthat (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML

#7855976
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28467) - you deserved it (6904)

On 02/03/2010 at 8:18pm - health - by XxOx - Sent from mobile version

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

#7482237
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49416) - you deserved it (3929)

On 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by hardtotell (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49888) - you deserved it (7888)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

#7398429
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19049) - you deserved it (5863)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by ChubbyTubby (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

#7107063
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24762) - you deserved it (6225)

On 01/02/2010 at 4:22pm - animals - by Darling_Cherry - United States (California)

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

#6857833
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43556) - you deserved it (2350)

On 12/21/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by budapesthungary - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

#6591482
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30660) - you deserved it (2330)

On 12/03/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by holla1787 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

#6579311
387 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18058) - you deserved it (74483)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:55am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML

#6163418
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34988) - you deserved it (4680)

On 11/05/2009 at 2:41am - health - by FatRunner (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: