CaptainMcNugget

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CaptainMcNugget

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 December 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2750
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About CaptainMcNugget : If I had a sandwich in one hand while playing the guitar with the other two, I would both be perfectly happy and confused as to why I have 3 hands.

CaptainMcNugget's page activity

Visits<b>alexishbu</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 11:00am<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 2:57am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 6:10am<b>beaglegal</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 6:27pm<b>Tgimonday</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 4:04pm<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 12:59am<b>Emelka</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 12:16am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 8:09pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:42pm<b>muffy_da_bear</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 2:41pm<b>BelindaTree</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 12:19am<b>yeahreally</b> - the 05/14/2009 at 10:10pm<b>Landskrona</b> - the 04/27/2009 at 5:30pm<b>YourMomGotOwned</b> - the 03/22/2009 at 7:32pm<b>holynemesis1208</b> - the 03/01/2009 at 2:08am<b>King_of_Kings</b> - the 02/28/2009 at 7:57pm<b>Lilu01</b> - the 02/16/2009 at 8:52am

CaptainMcNugget's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

CaptainMcNugget's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

by Girl123999 / 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

by dad / 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

by imanidiot / 03/03/2009 at 1:29am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the cross walk. Suddenly I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

by jazojigga / 03/01/2009 at 8:09pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

by Elis / 03/01/2009 at 3:49am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

by notmyday / 02/25/2009 at 6:26pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

by sammatthews2007 / 02/24/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

by iliketurtles / 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

by lifesucks / 02/24/2009 at 2:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

by ripdivine / 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

by shilpajayseanfan / 02/24/2009 at 8:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

by Salaryman / 02/15/2009 at 1:21am / Philippines (Rizal) / Work

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

by carboat / 01/28/2009 at 4:24am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

by ottawaaa / 01/27/2009 at 5:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

by Sally / 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous