Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CaptainMcNugget

Search for a member

CaptainMcNugget
  • Town/Country : Boston, US
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 December 1989 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 1629
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About CaptainMcNugget : If I had a sandwich in one hand while playing the guitar with the other two, I would both be perfectly happy and confused as to why I have 3 hands.

CaptainMcNugget's last visitors

FedergirlFreezemuffy_da_bearBelindaTreeyeahreallyLandskronaholynemesis1208King_of_KingsLilu01

CaptainMcNugget's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

CaptainMcNugget's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34185) - you deserved it (90460)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

#1152672
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98196) - you deserved it (5784)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm - intimacy - by TMI (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

#1152672
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98196) - you deserved it (5784)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm - intimacy - by TMI (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML

#1144667
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70208) - you deserved it (2303)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML

#1026397
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24674) - you deserved it (75970)

On 04/16/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by Eyesore - United States (Georgia)

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

#948871
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92338) - you deserved it (21264)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by anonymiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

#948871
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92338) - you deserved it (21264)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by anonymiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML

#927361
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92214) - you deserved it (4271)

On 04/12/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by spiderhater (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML

#916470
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15437) - you deserved it (80050)

On 04/11/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML

#915391
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43370) - you deserved it (2762)

On 04/11/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by RainyDay (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

#901011
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56430) - you deserved it (2291)

On 04/10/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML

#897879
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54024) - you deserved it (8571)

On 04/10/2009 at 4:17am - misc - by missy (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36487) - you deserved it (124637)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while teaching my kindergarten class, I had a feeling I was starting my period again. A boy in the class asked me what a period was. Stressing over my own, I briefly told him it's a woman's time of the month when they have mood swings. He was asking about the dot at the end of a sentence. FML

#880464
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40130) - you deserved it (33940)

On 04/09/2009 at 12:53am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: