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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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CandyLolita

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CandyLolita
  • Town/Country : Australia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 10 November 1997 (14 years)
  • Number of visits : 5550
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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CandyLolita's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

#3055426 (237)

I agree, your life sucks (9807) - you deserved it (67615)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

#3048050 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (7674) - you deserved it (43074)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

#2874076 (252)

I agree, your life sucks (31048) - you deserved it (44091)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered that my fiance had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML

#2820060 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (54204) - you deserved it (1921)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

#2637147 (336)

I agree, your life sucks (15339) - you deserved it (50727)

On 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was graduation day, and the very first time I'm hosting an event. When I got on stage, I stared at the audience for a good 5 seconds, then I fainted. FML

#2625677 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (37579) - you deserved it (4035)

On 06/05/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by Emcee (man) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left for taking a piss. FML

#2569917 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (32939) - you deserved it (2784)

On 06/03/2009 at 4:06pm - work - by peeepeee. - United States (Ohio)

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972 (300)

I agree, your life sucks (37949) - you deserved it (11351)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was visiting my in-laws and got a bad sunburn on the beach. I had to sleep topless due to the pain. I had shut and locked the door, but my husband woke up before me and left it ajar. Then, my father in-law came down stairs to wake me. He saw my completely uncovered breasts and grinned. FML

#2565767 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (39794) - you deserved it (4007)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by Mariena (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919 (322)

I agree, your life sucks (51298) - you deserved it (19075)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

#2514787 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (22284) - you deserved it (46275)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

#2508726 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (28143) - you deserved it (46082)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

#2498639 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (65716) - you deserved it (3876)

On 06/01/2009 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by crazystuff23 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML

#2482852 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (40720) - you deserved it (5697)

On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I went to put my laptop on a desk when I got a text message. I was startled by my ringtone and dropped my laptop on the ground. It now has dent marks on the bottom. The text message was from an annoying friend simply saying "I'm eating a hot dog." FML

#2473573 (208)

I agree, your life sucks (34109) - you deserved it (9315)

On 05/31/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)