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CamberwellCarrot

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CamberwellCarrot

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2393
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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CamberwellCarrot's page activity

Visits<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 11:52pm<b>HungerGames95</b> - the 07/10/2013 at 6:09pm<b>Colecto</b> - the 01/30/2013 at 10:29pm<b>ThecomingofTan</b> - the 01/20/2012 at 12:37am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:49pm

CamberwellCarrot's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of CamberwellCarrot's badges

CamberwellCarrot's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58271) - you deserved it (7827)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49523) - you deserved it (8069)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML

#20611067
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43367) - you deserved it (3433)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by wallet? GONE (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

#20605608
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54682) - you deserved it (6843)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm - kids - by reyoflight (man) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

#20583902
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47671) - you deserved it (5484)

On 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm - love - by drama king? (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49390) - you deserved it (7990)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47291) - you deserved it (4877)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41001) - you deserved it (5318)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50557) - you deserved it (6156)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML

#20555821
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32196) - you deserved it (2695) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/22/2013 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Lorraine)

Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML

#20520888
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41917) - you deserved it (4995)

On 02/24/2013 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by pissed girlfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

#20493993
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8769) - you deserved it (46335)

On 02/05/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by swarm20 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

#20493182
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68560) - you deserved it (3912)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hamandegger (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML

#20491836
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11223) - you deserved it (28727)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

#20490478
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22178) - you deserved it (34449)

On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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