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Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9217) - you deserved it (31800)
On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -
Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25307) - you deserved it (1666)
On 12/01/2011 at 5:00pm - misc - by Aaron -
Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30493) - you deserved it (6436)
On 11/25/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by notgoodenough - United States (Ohio)
Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10260) - you deserved it (25889)
On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24790) - you deserved it (24648)
On 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by kinky - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20637) - you deserved it (7681)
On 07/25/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by animelover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9140) - you deserved it (85394)
On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)
Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6100) - you deserved it (48250)
On 04/16/2010 at 8:34am - health - by TowelSmellsNice (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3226) - you deserved it (25857)
On 03/13/2010 at 12:16am - misc - by EwokLover17 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25366) - you deserved it (1929)
On 02/02/2010 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42752) - you deserved it (6374)
On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22897) - you deserved it (8322)
On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by ScarredForLife (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36163) - you deserved it (4212)
On 11/15/2009 at 3:42am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying "you accidentally left your headlights on... I took care of that for you". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22017) - you deserved it (4204)
On 11/14/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by ZINGER (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25620) - you deserved it (6421)
On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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