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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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CAPTAINMORGAN29

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CAPTAINMORGAN29
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 539
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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CAPTAINMORGAN29's favorite FMLs

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

#6542379 (34)

I agree, your life sucks (21465) - you deserved it (1327)

On 11/30/2009 at 10:22pm - money - by cande (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (22286) - you deserved it (5730)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

#5815946 (62)

I agree, your life sucks (15294) - you deserved it (4615)

On 10/13/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

#5811871 (363)

I agree, your life sucks (5382) - you deserved it (69177)

On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself, they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex. FML

#5772733 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (27241) - you deserved it (1865)

On 10/11/2009 at 7:25am - love - by hateparents (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

#5772637 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (14278) - you deserved it (2436)

On 10/11/2009 at 6:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newport)

Today, I just found out my dad got remarried a year ago. The woman is officially living with us, I got to have lunch with her alone today. I found out she is only 22, with a 14 year old little brother. My dad's 47. I'm 17, now with a 14 year old uncle and a mom that can pass for my girlfriend. FML

#4126370 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (43137) - you deserved it (1687)

On 07/29/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by Beefballs (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

#4111292 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (24107) - you deserved it (17811)

On 07/28/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by porkfriedlife - United States

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

#4081903 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (33238) - you deserved it (6573)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by fedexed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finished my project two weeks early. Now I am being laid off because there is no work to do. FML

#3797001 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (38037) - you deserved it (2433)

On 07/16/2009 at 8:00am - work - by bowhuntpa (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML

#3796227 (588)

I agree, your life sucks (22248) - you deserved it (62869)

On 07/16/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by notawizard (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (52940) - you deserved it (9006)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

#3176908 (275)

I agree, your life sucks (38905) - you deserved it (20707)

On 06/24/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by BadBribe (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML

#3097066 (290)

I agree, your life sucks (27591) - you deserved it (14237)

On 06/21/2009 at 6:10pm - kids - by loli-conned (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, was my boyfriends birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

#3078421 (383)

I agree, your life sucks (49825) - you deserved it (19634)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)