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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx's favorite FMLs

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

#20153273
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20452) - you deserved it (2052)

On 11/07/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML

#20152648
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13563) - you deserved it (21806)

On 11/07/2012 at 2:31am - misc - by no cake for me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

#20152323
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28634) - you deserved it (1910)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States

Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML

#20151103
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20645) - you deserved it (1424)

On 11/06/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by rastamerican - United States (California)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18036) - you deserved it (42298)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

#20150778
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25530) - you deserved it (15296)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm - love - by new name (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

#20139648
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5872) - you deserved it (23120)

On 10/30/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by embarassedmuch - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22885) - you deserved it (2859)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22885) - you deserved it (2859)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30620) - you deserved it (5923)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

#20128340
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27940) - you deserved it (4995)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29860) - you deserved it (4531)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29860) - you deserved it (4531)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

#20128150
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25340) - you deserved it (7729)

On 10/22/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by Nana (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

#20127982
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23042) - you deserved it (1514)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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