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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx's favorite FMLs

Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML

#20154574
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21462) - you deserved it (1698)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

#20154142
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19729) - you deserved it (2094)

On 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by ohcrap (man) - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

#20153910
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23480) - you deserved it (1390)

On 11/07/2012 at 6:28pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

#20153506
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21844) - you deserved it (3913)

On 11/07/2012 at 1:39pm - work - by Owen - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

#20153491
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24822) - you deserved it (1919)

On 11/07/2012 at 1:28pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

#20153273
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20378) - you deserved it (2042)

On 11/07/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML

#20152648
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13519) - you deserved it (21761)

On 11/07/2012 at 2:31am - misc - by no cake for me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

#20152323
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28535) - you deserved it (1905)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States

Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML

#20151103
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20588) - you deserved it (1421)

On 11/06/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by rastamerican - United States (California)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17977) - you deserved it (42180)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

#20150778
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25449) - you deserved it (15279)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm - love - by new name (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

#20139648
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5848) - you deserved it (23069)

On 10/30/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by embarassedmuch - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22792) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22792) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States



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