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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

#19926554
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22154) - you deserved it (2597)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:03am - love - by anidiotskeeper (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

#19923012
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31348) - you deserved it (2736)

On 07/11/2012 at 9:29am - intimacy - by Sherry - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, and got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML

#19921886
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33034) - you deserved it (2291)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:09am - love - by forgottenbday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

#19920264
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23610) - you deserved it (1497)

On 07/10/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by Deadcat101 - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

#19920201
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20571) - you deserved it (5672)

On 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm - animals - by Nomoreballs (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

#19919285
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26614) - you deserved it (2989)

On 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm - misc - by I_Has_A_Fishy - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

#19918640
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (2022)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my power finally came back on. I excitedly went and spent $100 to refill my fridge, only to come back home and discover the power is out again, and might not be back on for another three days. FML

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18286) - you deserved it (36579)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML

#19913631
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7366) - you deserved it (31604)

On 07/09/2012 at 6:37am - misc - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

#19879302
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7047) - you deserved it (47488)

On 07/02/2012 at 2:07am - misc - by FuckYou - United States (California)

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

#19873048
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36481) - you deserved it (1676)

On 06/30/2012 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21524) - you deserved it (6041)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

#19850668
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23284) - you deserved it (11098)

On 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Heather (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

#19846265
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26089) - you deserved it (15699)

On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)



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