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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx

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  • Number of visits : 1759
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ButterzXx's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML

#20126784
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (1539)

On 10/21/2012 at 2:54pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to tell my best friend how wrong she is to be dating a married man, whose wife happens to be pregnant with their first child. Our talk ended with her calling me a "meddling, frigid bitch" and me being told this is why I can't get laid. FML

#20125357
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24855) - you deserved it (2335)

On 10/20/2012 at 2:50pm - misc - by Dillyduzit (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

#20125076
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10977) - you deserved it (35115)

On 10/20/2012 at 9:57am - intimacy - by MIND BLOWING - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

#20124963
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33487) - you deserved it (2773)

On 10/20/2012 at 4:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, it was my first day in Paris. I've been saving up for five years. It was a rainy day, but I was determined to go see the Eiffel Tower. On my way, I fell down a slippery set of stairs and knocked both of my front teeth out. Now, I have the view of the Eiffel Tower from my hospital window. FML

#20124910
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25973) - you deserved it (2685)

On 10/20/2012 at 3:06am - health - by parisklutz (woman) - France (Lorraine)

Today, I bought professional hair clippers to shave down below, thinking it would be safer than using a razor. Let's just say the bathroom now looks like a murder scene, and it's going to be a while before I have sex again. FML

#20124733
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26193) - you deserved it (11235)

On 10/20/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21656) - you deserved it (2738)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

#20120590
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23324) - you deserved it (3931) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/17/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous - France (Bretagne)

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31960) - you deserved it (18469)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

#20116490
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18788) - you deserved it (7779)

On 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Estonia

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

#20111636
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22456) - you deserved it (3995)

On 10/11/2012 at 2:59am - kids - by Failed Parent - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27042) - you deserved it (3448)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34182) - you deserved it (6811)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

#20051213
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27241) - you deserved it (15923)

On 08/31/2012 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by jon (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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