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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he means me wearing a diaper during foreplay. FML

#21297687
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39487) - you deserved it (4192)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by honey, no boo-boo (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML

#21293369
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34290) - you deserved it (7548)

On 11/06/2014 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32510) - you deserved it (4548)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

#21285867
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28337) - you deserved it (5330)

On 10/26/2014 at 8:05pm - misc - by socreepedouticanteven - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37332) - you deserved it (7554)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (7437)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28917) - you deserved it (3068)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

#21279967
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29081) - you deserved it (3338)

On 10/17/2014 at 4:12pm - health - by catt - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

#21278162
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39518) - you deserved it (4645)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:27am - misc - by burritobreasts -

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

#21276337
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34709) - you deserved it (4940)

On 10/12/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

#21276226
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35627) - you deserved it (3554)

On 10/12/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Mc2013 (woman) - United States

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

#21275034
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37892) - you deserved it (5737)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by TalkDirtyToMe - New Zealand

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

#21275026
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32609) - you deserved it (2929)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by JulietMarie - United States (New York)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

#21253019
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44006) - you deserved it (3318)

On 09/06/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by StillPissedOffAtIrony (woman) - United States (Florida)



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