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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21480) - you deserved it (7998)
On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by ScarredForLife (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of 'Fight Club'. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18845) - you deserved it (8709)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went to the doctor to check the dark growth I just discovered on my back. It was chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3960) - you deserved it (26753)
On 12/13/2009 at 10:53pm - health - by sillygoose (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33280) - you deserved it (4671)
On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26523) - you deserved it (10031)
On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11974) - you deserved it (24845)
On 10/07/2009 at 12:39am - love - by NotAParabola (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37112) - you deserved it (5233)
On 09/08/2009 at 1:29am - kids - by FAIL (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I went on a plane and was sitting next to a mom with her 12-year old daughter. Apparently, they decided to have "the talk." On the plane, right next to me. I heard everything, and actually learned new things. I'm 35. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25466) - you deserved it (4321)
On 08/20/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by airplanes-suck (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85062) - you deserved it (25498)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me to a movie after days of not seeing me. This long awaited date involved me paying for food and my movie ticket when he ran out of cash again. He then dumped me as we left the theater walking to his car. Well, I financed my own breakup date. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36440) - you deserved it (3106)
On 07/11/2009 at 2:11pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42053) - you deserved it (2724)
On 07/10/2009 at 9:08pm - love - by negromancer - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him 20$. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51287) - you deserved it (3213)
On 07/09/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by Told_You_So (woman) - United States (California)
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42343) - you deserved it (16829)
On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54084) - you deserved it (9224)
On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42730) - you deserved it (6899)
On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
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