I'm mean.
I come on here to laugh at dumbasses. (:
It also makes me feel better about the stupid shit I do.
Yayy.
www.myspace.com/39923787
^ ^ ^
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46752) - you totally deserved it (3528)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by demk (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10189) - you totally deserved it (43039)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy, and then he said, "Lets pretend you are someone else." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40120) - you totally deserved it (3127)
On 08/17/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by somebodyelse (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41162) - you totally deserved it (4160)
On 08/16/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50625) - you totally deserved it (6724)
On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41825) - you totally deserved it (6163)
On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball strangely rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14637) - you totally deserved it (45100)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40410) - you totally deserved it (5218)
On 07/11/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by waxinghorror (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was working Customer Service at Wal Mart. An elderly lady came to my register to return a pair of white pants. I asked her what was wrong with them and she replied "even when I had underwear on you could still see my pubic hair." The pants had hair on them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39704) - you totally deserved it (1335)
On 06/24/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16540) - you totally deserved it (43847)
On 06/23/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by FattyMcFatterson (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17172) - you totally deserved it (45095)
On 06/23/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by wastedlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26658) - you totally deserved it (38939)
On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was at my job at an old folks home, and I was cleaning off a table when one old lady looks up at me and says "I've been a dirty dirty girl" in a seductive tone, I thought she meant about the table so I said "yes you have" then she winked at me, I walked away fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33746) - you totally deserved it (5718)
On 06/12/2009 at 3:53am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48286) - you totally deserved it (1742)
On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year told me he thinks he might be gay. I took off my shirt, sexily climbed over him and began to kiss him passionately. "What do you think now?" I said seductively. His response? "Now I'm sure I'm gay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54939) - you totally deserved it (10649)
On 06/11/2009 at 9:18pm - love - by Lexxi (woman) - United States (New York)
