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Brenda37's favorite FMLs
by Confused / 09/15/2009 at 5:58am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML
by LGFLIPSTER / 08/30/2009 at 11:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML
by waxinghorror / 07/11/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
by Anonymous / 07/04/2009 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML
by creeped_out_ / 06/24/2009 at 5:34pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
by mrWrong / 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I was walking down the street with my newly healed implants, when a drag queen approached me and asked who my doctor was, because I was the "most convincing transgender he had ever seen." I'm a woman. FML
by woo. / 02/07/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML
by Noname / 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by sh33zy / 02/03/2009 at 3:27pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by JLoRd / 02/01/2009 at 9:40am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by ayw329 / 01/31/2009 at 8:51am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by mehdi / 10/13/2008 at 4:20am / Miscellaneous
- Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during… Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it,… Today, I walked in on my porn addicted roommate watching a gynecologist exam online. He asked me to…
- Today, I work as a cashier at McDonalds. Some guy came in and ordered a $1.50 coffee and payed with… Today, I arrived at my new job only to find out, that I wasn't supposed to be there, and the only… Today, I was running late to work and noticed that my car keys weren't in the right spot. I quickly…