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BreezyMargarita's FML badges
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
BreezyMargarita's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML
by perfecttiming / 05/06/2013 at 11:25am / United States (California) / Work
by Alone / 05/06/2013 at 10:24am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML
by grossed out / 05/05/2013 at 7:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2013 at 11:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
by beyondembarrassed / 05/05/2013 at 1:44am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML
by dancer, not a hooker... / 05/05/2013 at 1:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML
by Anonymous / 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
by emasculated 10000% / 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML
by Tickettoride / 05/04/2013 at 6:24am / Austria (Wien) / Holidays
Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
by thatonesilentkidinclass / 05/04/2013 at 4:11am / Philippines (Batangas) / Health
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML