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Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25833) - you deserved it (6309)
On 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm - health - by Few_Absolutes (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9341) - you deserved it (38863)
On 10/12/2009 at 1:36am - animals - by bubbles (woman) - United States
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33493) - you deserved it (5102)
On 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm - animals - by ouchh (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10368) - you deserved it (31970)
On 09/08/2009 at 3:32pm - misc - by NoMoreHeadphones (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11697) - you deserved it (33850)
On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14730) - you deserved it (31789)
On 08/17/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by tailgaterhater - United States (Washington)
Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49231) - you deserved it (2511)
On 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm - animals - by homedoggieo (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45370) - you deserved it (17924)
On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58519) - you deserved it (3231)
On 06/13/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35686) - you deserved it (14976)
On 06/05/2009 at 9:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I put my 3 year old down for her regular nap. About an hour later I wake up from a dream where I was smelling something awful. When I woke up, the smell was still there, so I tracked it down. My daughter had decided to "fingerpaint" with the contents of a dirty diaper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39560) - you deserved it (4222)
On 06/03/2009 at 1:11am - kids - by cgregg01 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42265) - you deserved it (7007)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:48am - health - by barbie (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41381) - you deserved it (2590)
On 05/16/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Heifer (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancée, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancée for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (273370) - you deserved it (10293)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50183) - you deserved it (5198)
On 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm - kids - by chelserusera (woman) - United States (Texas)
Friday 24 May 2013
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