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BodyCountEndless

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BodyCountEndless

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  • Number of visits : 3679
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 16 posted

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BodyCountEndless's favorite FMLs

Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

#21238688
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40887) - you deserved it (2849)

On 08/16/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by bad birthdays - United States (California)

Today, my car got towed. My money is in my car and they won't let me open my car to get money until my car is "released". FML

#21238660
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36452) - you deserved it (4358)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:30am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

#21238533
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35880) - you deserved it (5878)

On 08/15/2014 at 10:16pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

#21238375
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40142) - you deserved it (4039)

On 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by meltdowninrels (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

#21238351
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19061) - you deserved it (46548)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

#21238336
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16775) - you deserved it (32384)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:10pm - money - by thoughthewasjoking (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

#21238124
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36230) - you deserved it (4815)

On 08/15/2014 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

#21237898
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32753) - you deserved it (9320)

On 08/15/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44742) - you deserved it (4371)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

#21237829
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35964) - you deserved it (3087)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my doctor wasn't kidding when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur" with my new medication. I learned this while walking my dog a mile away from my house. FML

Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

#21237592
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14227) - you deserved it (67393)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm - misc - by oops - United States (California)

Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the Heimlich maneuver, only for her to throw up all over the table and stagger out of the place. I stood there as the waiter asked if I wanted to split the bill. FML

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

#21237562
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33816) - you deserved it (4960)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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