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BodyCountEndless's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband's ex-girlfriend is getting a restraining order on him. Turns out, for the past 2 years of our marriage, he has been trying to contact her and ditching work to stalk her. To top it all off, he told me not to come to court with him because he doesn't want her to see he downgraded. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 8:56pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, as usual, I went to pick up my brother and sister from school in the rain. When we got to my truck, I realized I had locked us out. We had to walk home in the rain, only to find the spare house key had not been put back in its spot since the last time it was used. FML
by Gimmie a spare / 04/19/2016 at 4:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML
by KaityK / 04/19/2016 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
by Jim / 04/19/2016 at 1:25pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:59am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by chuffberry / 04/19/2016 at 9:39am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Singleagain / 04/19/2016 at 8:01am / Sint Maarten (Dutch part) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 10:43pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Notpunny / 04/18/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 3:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by empress gleskizor the third of glarkon / 04/18/2016 at 2:12pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Miscellaneous
by faeliality / 04/18/2016 at 4:39am / United States / Work
Today, I scored the number of a cute girl. I gave her mine as well, just before leaving the bar. As I waved her goodbye, I attempted to do a cheesy "call me" gesture with my thumb and pinky finger, and winked. For a reason unknown to me, I ended up flipping her off. I still winked though. FML
by killme.jpeg / 04/17/2016 at 9:04pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 04/17/2016 at 12:37pm / United States (Delaware) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…