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BodyCountEndless's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/20/2016 at 10:34am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML
by not jacked / 04/20/2016 at 7:35am / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML
by fucktheearth / 04/19/2016 at 11:32pm / United States (New York) / Health
by anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband's ex-girlfriend is getting a restraining order on him. Turns out, for the past 2 years of our marriage, he has been trying to contact her and ditching work to stalk her. To top it all off, he told me not to come to court with him because he doesn't want her to see he downgraded. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 8:56pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, as usual, I went to pick up my brother and sister from school in the rain. When we got to my truck, I realized I had locked us out. We had to walk home in the rain, only to find the spare house key had not been put back in its spot since the last time it was used. FML
by Gimmie a spare / 04/19/2016 at 4:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML
by KaityK / 04/19/2016 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
by Jim / 04/19/2016 at 1:25pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:59am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by chuffberry / 04/19/2016 at 9:39am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Singleagain / 04/19/2016 at 8:01am / Sint Maarten (Dutch part) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 10:43pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Notpunny / 04/18/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 3:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by empress gleskizor the third of glarkon / 04/18/2016 at 2:12pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Miscellaneous