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Bloodknight

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Bloodknight

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 15613
  • Number of comments : 272
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Bloodknight's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

#20829995
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59438) - you deserved it (5435)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

#20826835
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48998) - you deserved it (4337)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65139) - you deserved it (6600)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

#20792281
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41339) - you deserved it (3829)

On 07/19/2013 at 12:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

#20785828
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51821) - you deserved it (3557)

On 07/16/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

#20768398
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65842) - you deserved it (21407)

On 07/07/2013 at 8:35am - love - by SimG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47575) - you deserved it (5892)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

#20741108
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42720) - you deserved it (6408)

On 06/22/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by our kids will be derps (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40139) - you deserved it (3719)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, whilst trying on wedding dresses with my mom, she told me that I looked fat and awful in the dress I liked. When I told her how hurtful she was being, she told me that I should be grateful that she told me what she thought instead of laughing at me behind my back. FML

#20722079
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43373) - you deserved it (6729)

On 06/12/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by mysea8679 (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

#20692497
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55772) - you deserved it (5695)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:49am - money - by $$$ - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

#20688045
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43695) - you deserved it (7448)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

#20662485
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98929) - you deserved it (5982)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

#20654832
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53398) - you deserved it (5172)

On 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Sankt Gallen)

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53649) - you deserved it (7526)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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