Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Bloodknight

Search for a member

Bloodknight

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 12454
  • Number of comments : 271
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Bloodknight : Ask...

Bloodknight's page activity

Visits<b>mif</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 1:44am<b>Rebekahxxx</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 7:17pm<b>Rinat</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 7:41pm<b>Rhett_15</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 8:21pm<b>laynstar</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 3:26pm<b>Mahak1099</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 2:15pm<b>battlehamster</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 4:50am<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 3:22pm<b>blackout339</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 8:17pm<b>99volleyball99</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 12:58pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 9:37pm<b>Faithilicious123</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 10:35am<b>WubStep_</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 10:59am<b>disasterlydeed</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 11:39pm<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 8:51pm<b>Saywat145</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 10:57pm<b>aa1717</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 10:59am<b>lisaint</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 6:02pm

Bloodknight's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Bloodknight's badges

Bloodknight's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

#15251032
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48036) - you deserved it (4305)

On 03/09/2011 at 1:19pm - love - by crazystar69 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69568) - you deserved it (6556)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

#13365582
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34630) - you deserved it (5269)

On 10/08/2010 at 12:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

#13261613
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44709) - you deserved it (4835)

On 09/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

#13139163
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14277) - you deserved it (19908)

On 09/21/2010 at 3:10am - kids - by themildthings (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

#13071693
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36632) - you deserved it (3854)

On 09/16/2010 at 6:59am - kids - by mommymo (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML

#13061807
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48054) - you deserved it (4245)

On 09/15/2010 at 2:02pm - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML

#13049804
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7602) - you deserved it (42798)

On 09/14/2010 at 4:00pm - love - by Jackie - United States (California)

Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML

#12978436
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8412) - you deserved it (38062)

On 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

#12926382
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32708) - you deserved it (3175)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

#12803211
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28958) - you deserved it (6975)

On 08/29/2010 at 10:14am - love - by ILoveFML - United States (New York)

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

#12740190
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14602) - you deserved it (62727)

On 08/25/2010 at 3:13pm - work - by Joel - United States (California)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41628) - you deserved it (12546)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

#12612052
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15938) - you deserved it (27181)

On 08/18/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by roflcopter (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend forgot our anniversary. But it's okay; I wasn't expecting anything after he forgot my birthday, Valentine's Day, and my name. FML

#12409274
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37347) - you deserved it (26130)

On 08/09/2010 at 10:38am - love - by Forgotten (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel it in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: