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Today, I told my girlfriend of eight months that if she didn't start taking my band's music seriously, we couldn't see each other anymore. She said fine, and I hugged her, but then she stood up and said 'I hope we can still be friends,' and walked out the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6653) - you deserved it (49421)
On 10/20/2009 at 2:51am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27128) - you deserved it (1390)
On 10/17/2009 at 7:13am - animals - by Ethan (man) - United States (California)
Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30724) - you deserved it (504)
On 10/16/2009 at 4:44am - animals - by Halloweenie (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6404) - you deserved it (36523)
On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I took a girl out I've been seeing for two months on our first real date. I had saved all my money for the week for this. I took her to a beautiful restaurant uptown. She got hammered, hit me and screamed that I would never be as good as "Marshall." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33013) - you deserved it (2096)
On 10/10/2009 at 2:06pm - love - by pistonsunshine (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36636) - you deserved it (2337)
On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64889) - you deserved it (4249)
On 10/08/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7381) - you deserved it (19971)
On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (123891) - you deserved it (4825)
On 10/07/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by dinosaurman (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39801) - you deserved it (8248)
On 10/07/2009 at 3:05am - work - by screwed (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17865) - you deserved it (3345)
On 10/05/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2570) - you deserved it (9718)
On 10/04/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by masterfail (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17234) - you deserved it (3500)
On 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28212) - you deserved it (7987)
On 10/02/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by asshole (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24794) - you deserved it (1680)
On 10/01/2009 at 12:05am - work - by bm128902 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Monday 20 May 2013
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