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Bloodknight

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Bloodknight
  • Town/Country : Las Vegas, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 10 July 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 11433
  • Number of comments : 270
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Bloodknight's favorite FMLs

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

#20502122
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27824) - you deserved it (26454)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (35001)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years, whose reaction was to pretend to take a phone call. FML

#20453131
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29482) - you deserved it (2477)

On 01/11/2013 at 1:46am - love - by proposal fail - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17084) - you deserved it (22226)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

#20008924
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21718) - you deserved it (2119)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had sex with a Juggalo. FML

#16534562
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12218) - you deserved it (41548)

On 06/06/2011 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. She'd actually started dating another man a few months ago, but she wanted to drag our marriage out as long as possible just in case her new relationship fell through. FML

#16515847
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38508) - you deserved it (2781)

On 06/05/2011 at 4:20pm - love - by mj - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

#16384205
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35216) - you deserved it (14332)

On 05/28/2011 at 8:44am - love - by dancer_2014 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

#15628215
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56856) - you deserved it (5652)

On 04/03/2011 at 10:47pm - kids - by ravenskater -

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

#15251032
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45948) - you deserved it (4141)

On 03/09/2011 at 1:19pm - love - by crazystar69 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67079) - you deserved it (6317)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

#13365582
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30536) - you deserved it (4808)

On 10/08/2010 at 12:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

#13261613
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41461) - you deserved it (4500)

On 09/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

#13139163
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10864) - you deserved it (14200)

On 09/21/2010 at 3:10am - kids - by themildthings (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

#13071693
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33130) - you deserved it (3579)

On 09/16/2010 at 6:59am - kids - by mommymo (woman) - Australia (South Australia)



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