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Bloodknight's favorite FMLs
by Duckzy / 02/07/2015 at 5:34pm / United States / Animals
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML
by depressedskatergirl / 02/06/2015 at 9:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by ZAnon / 02/06/2015 at 2:06am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I was talking to my friend in Spanish because he understands it better than English. We were in the middle of a discussion about a TV show when some guy from our school ran up, spat on my shoes and screamed, "I SPEAK SPANISH, STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" and ran away. FML
by marigoldcobain / 02/04/2015 at 6:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by No thank you / 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML
by pissed out pants / 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/17/2015 at 2:00pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm / United States (Delaware) / Animals
by Malina / 01/03/2015 at 8:42pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2015 at 5:14pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by Mr_snuggels / 12/24/2014 at 3:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/23/2014 at 1:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by bxjxj / 12/22/2014 at 1:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Bahhumbug / 12/22/2014 at 9:24am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I…