Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Bloodknight

Offline (47 minutes ago) | Search for a member

Bloodknight

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 15572
  • Number of comments : 272
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Bloodknight : Ask...

Bloodknight's page activity

Visits<b>mrmcleod</b> - yesterday at 5:05am<b>tartar18</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 2:50am<b>Bradenheck</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 2:57pm<b>hassi158</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 3:23pm<b>0mysteriousman0</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 4:53am<b>Kasparkilo05</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 6:57am<b>PNiggZ</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 7:15pm<b>flufee2</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 7:48pm<b>Tierrastokes</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 6:26pm<b>liquifiednate</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 3:16pm<b>jonathan7777</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 11:38am<b>papygeorges</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 7:07am<b>Joshery</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 12:20am<b>nkb94</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 11:16pm<b>coleycakes_805</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 1:23pm<b>PlainWhiteWalls</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 4:34am<b>MortalLove17</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 10:03am<b>lordofpantry</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 1:28am

Bloodknight's FML badges

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of Bloodknight's badges

Bloodknight's favorite FMLs

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

#21352037
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33813) - you deserved it (2285)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

#21351571
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42799) - you deserved it (2730)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML

#21351174
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40111) - you deserved it (2535)

On 02/06/2015 at 9:35pm - misc - by depressedskatergirl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

#21350749
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33305) - you deserved it (3151)

On 02/06/2015 at 2:06am - animals - by ZAnon - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my friend in Spanish because he understands it better than English. We were in the middle of a discussion about a TV show when some guy from our school ran up, spat on my shoes and screamed, "I SPEAK SPANISH, STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" and ran away. FML

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

#21349737
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31402) - you deserved it (4716)

On 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by No thank you (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38293) - you deserved it (3297)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

#21338940
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27575) - you deserved it (8531)

On 01/17/2015 at 2:00pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

#21336619
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (5239)

On 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

#21330219
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28707) - you deserved it (9354)

On 01/03/2015 at 8:42pm - misc - by Malina - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

#21329473
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29102) - you deserved it (8595)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Can't, bigamy's illegal." I still don't know if she was joking or not, because she keeps changing the subject whenever I mention it. FML

#21322691
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29465) - you deserved it (2494)

On 12/23/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

#21322081
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31224) - you deserved it (2737)

On 12/22/2014 at 1:40pm - misc - by bxjxj - United States



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: