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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Bloodberry

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Bloodberry
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 23 March 1947 (64 years)
  • Number of visits : 916
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Bloodberry's favorite FMLs

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

#17751654 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (11430) - you deserved it (604)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:43pm - misc - by poop towel - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her... Thanks dad. FML

#17709124 (599)

I agree, your life sucks (10214) - you deserved it (118375)

On 09/10/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

#17703209 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (10203) - you deserved it (1133)

On 09/09/2011 at 9:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

#17695095 (307)

I agree, your life sucks (5678) - you deserved it (41048)

On 09/08/2011 at 6:00am - health - by Stuck (man) - United States

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114 (267)

I agree, your life sucks (22917) - you deserved it (3718)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

#17516529 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (32564) - you deserved it (1895)

On 08/19/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by leftwardfoil (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165 (216)

I agree, your life sucks (12869) - you deserved it (20605)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

#17455521 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (29853) - you deserved it (9461)

On 08/13/2011 at 12:06am - love - by sydneybourgeois - United States (Texas)

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

#17375446 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (37639) - you deserved it (1540)

On 08/05/2011 at 4:41am - misc - by thehumanshield - United States (California)

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

#17342308 (292)

I agree, your life sucks (17151) - you deserved it (46965)

On 08/02/2011 at 10:17am - health - by chinchilla4404 (woman) - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982 (405)

I agree, your life sucks (32869) - you deserved it (9561)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's something creepily wrong. FML

#17292941 (198)

I agree, your life sucks (24120) - you deserved it (4448)

On 07/29/2011 at 12:20am - intimacy - by FML (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

#17283152 (261)

I agree, your life sucks (22504) - you deserved it (10659)

On 07/28/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

#17253046 (408)

I agree, your life sucks (9190) - you deserved it (38887)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:12am - health - by Smokey9 - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML

#17250401 (240)

I agree, your life sucks (25387) - you deserved it (6002)

On 07/25/2011 at 3:21am - health - by jgdgjyfg - United Kingdom (Rotherham)