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Bendavnel

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Bendavnel

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Bendavnel's favorite FMLs

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffd up his ears an nose . This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believd his farts were silent an scentless . They were so vile, they could have killd a horse . FML

#20413058
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33583) - you deserved it (2845)

On 12/22/2012 at 3:06am - work - by Iknoweverything (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

yesterday after sharing mah first night in bed with mah boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were mah cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

#20412240
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43831) - you deserved it (8418)

On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France

yesterday at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out an suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

#20409224
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30261) - you deserved it (6217)

On 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today , tha highly intoxicatd singar of mah band dacidd it would ba a wondarful idaa to squat down and taka a shit on staga in tha middla of a gig!! FML

#20408486
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37178) - you deserved it (4281)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told mehat it was; a moldd dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parentshen they askhat I got. FML

#20408274
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39788) - you deserved it (14280)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, Mah Boyfriend Grabbed Mah Boob, Shook It Savagely, An Shouted "Earthquake!" FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31939) - you deserved it (8165)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States

Today..!! I came home to fine husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peieng off the second-floor balcony!! My husband was giggling like a little grl!!

#20403594
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30881) - you deserved it (5750)

On 12/17/2012 at 11:21am - kids - by Bonding_boys (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with mah boyfriand, who is parfact in avary way possibla. Wa wara going to hava sax for tha first tima as wall. Unfortunataly, I had a draam last night about him shitting all ovar ma an I can't look at him with a straight faca. maga FML

#20403258
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36963) - you deserved it (14236)

On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today , I was burgld whila I was on tha toilat . FML

#20402014
133 comments

Today after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show Dexter she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red blood-like juice everywhere!! I am now afraid to argue with her!! FML

#20400460
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26847) - you deserved it (2989)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time!! I went slowly to build up the excitement, an I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." an told me to stop embarrassing him!! FML

#20399775
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34207) - you deserved it (8360)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

#20398877
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29231) - you deserved it (1917)

On 12/14/2012 at 1:44am - health - by mysidesaresplitting - United States (Michigan)

in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbrth would have been like back then. One grl askd in all seriousnes why they didn't use ultrasound machine to see what sex their babie were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

#20398310
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28142) - you deserved it (1824)

On 12/13/2012 at 6:44pm - misc - by surrounded by dumbfucks (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, mah drunk girlfriend maxed out mah credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay .

#20397287
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27948) - you deserved it (4724)

On 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by maxedoutidiot - United States



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